Here’s Why I Kept the Ugly Cane!

Living WITH sarcoidosis. (sigh!)

Sometimes it gets to be way too much!! I can’t do this by myself! Not another step or move if I don’t get some help! Sometimes it’s too overwhelming to expect that I can keep going without getting a break! I’m only one person!! 

Yep!! Those are words spoken directly out of my mouth. You see, I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis in 1993, and some days are good and other days are…well, let’s just label them as challenging. This dreadful autoimmune disease affects not only my lungs but every joint in my body. 

I haven’t shared much about the subject of using a cane because quite frankly, it was EMBARRASSING for a 23 year old (who was not in some kind of accident) to periodically have to use a cane. Can you imagine? One day a vibrant young lady working a job, singing and writing for and traveling with an award winning choir, having an active social life and the next time in sight, she’s barely able to walk?? 

Fast forward 24 years later: I’m Still Here! 😊

Soooo, here are my reasons regarding this cane:

1. I honestly NEED to use a cane every once in a while. Without it, getting around would be extremely painful and quite difficult. I had to become ok with it. I remember I would try to hide it or go without it in my twenties. Lol I was most miserable. 

 I would think, “Who’d want a friend who was slowed down by a cane? What man would want a girlfriend/wife who had to periodically use a cane?” I had to be OK that if NO ONE did, I’D STILL WANT ME. The opinions of people could not bother me to the point of self hatred or self denial.

2) I remember someone dear to me who is much older suggested that I get a fancy cane…one like she had. Because she had no ill motives and is quite fancy herself, I honestly looked into getting one. There were SO many choices! There were florals, metallics, foldables, ones that stand on their own, and multiple pronged. I’m certain I’m missing some others, but you get my point. 

Then I looked at the cane given to me at the Emergency Room. You know, the basic old people’s cane when you sprain your ankle? (Yeah, I’ve had a few of those too!) And guess what? I decided to keep it!!

The ER cane is for limited use. Its purpose is not for aesthetics. If I conceded to purchasing a fancier cane, to ME, it was accepting the fact that this was a permanent situation. And no matter what the doctors’ prognosis is, I will still believe that my healing will completely manifest itself. 

The ugly cane represents everything TEMPORAL for me. And like a song goes, “It won’t always be like this!”

Be very encouraged to know that even if you’re down at the moment and whatever you’re experiencing right now seems long and difficult, it’s only temporary. 

©Photo credit to respective owner